A night of great mercy that I cannot forget...

The year was 1985. I believe it was early May. My college was off for study leave.  Back in the days, colleges would close for a month or so before finals.  I was 17 years old, senior in a high school.  Kids had an option to attend a regular high school or attend high school equivalent program in a college - called Pre-Degree Course. My dad and mom were very particular that their children have the best education they could afford. I was sent to a catholic boarding school/college, one of the tops in the state.  Dad used to send me money for the college room and board, and tuition fees, and then some extra as pocket money.  Many kids in the boarding were from affluent families, and then there was myself and some others from middle class families who lived the high life off of the sweat of our parents.

You see, I wouldn't pay my tuition and boarding fees, I just blew it all on anything but education. There came a point in my senior year that I was going to be barred from taking my finals if I was not going to pay the debt I owed to the college. I believe it was about 15,000-18,000 Rupees.  The hostel warden called me to his office and warned me that within a time period of two or so weeks before the finals were to commence, I better pay all the room & board and tuition fees or else I would be kicked out of the hostel campus and barred from appearing at the finals.  I want to put this amount in context for you, just so that you would understand what I had gotten myself into...

Back in 1985,

1. 10 Rupees was enough to pay bus fare to and from from hostel to a movie theater in the city, plus movie ticket for balcony seats (the top choice), plus some snacks.
2. 5 Rupees was enough for a good lunch
3. a laborer after a full days work made about 50-70 Rupees a day
4. I think, a civil servant made 1,500 - 2,500 Rupees a month

Go figure, how a seventeen year old high school student, unemployed, was going to get out of this hole...15,000 big ones deep.  I was scared out of my wits that my dad was going to find out and I was going to face his wrath. On top of it, the shame if I was not going to make the senior year exams. The embarrassment to my family would be unimaginable.  I couldn't face my family!  I started selling my belongings, anything that would fetch me some money: my Levi's and Lee jeans, T-shirts with foreign logos, jewelry, watch and anything else of value that my parents had given me.  Locals would pay top money for foreign stuff.  I was able to pay of some of the fees.  Then, I approached two college mates who came from wealthy families for loans.  After some pleading, they were kind enough to loan me the rest to pay off the remaining fees with assurances from me that I will pay them back one way or another before finals were over and every one went their different ways. (I still don't know what made them have faith in me to loan me approximately 10,000 - 15,000 bucks.)

I was so broke, but couldn't risk asking dad.  I would have to own up to everything and then didn't know what I would gain in the end.  It was the time of study leave  leading up to the final exams. The hostel mess was closed and kids had to pay for food on the outside.  I remember days/weeks of starving or eating just to get by, because I couldn't afford to pay for food as I had to save every bit of money I could to pay off my debts.  My friends who were there when money was good, all but disappeared.  There were sleepless nights thinking of what I was going to do.  I remember everything culminating in this three day stretch where I had not slept.  I had been so stressed from thinking about the finals and all the money that I owed, not knowing what I was going to do. There were times that I wished I could end it all. It was the third night of my sleepless stretch, I remember having run out of options, kneeling down on my wooden cot in my college hostel.  I was at my wits end, and I prayed to God. I cried out to God for help. What I asked that night was that He would give me five minutes of restful sleep as I couldn't take it any more.  I don't remember finishing that prayer. Next morning I recall waking up in the same fetal position on my knees on top of my cot. I couldn't believe that I had slept through the night on my knees and I remembered my prayer from the previous night... Lord give me five minutes of restful sleep!

That morning I woke up a new person, feeling very calm. I remember feeling totally calm - my situation didn't worry me anymore; my worries were gone, didn't know how or why.  Though my situation was the same, I had this new confidence in me that I couldn't explain, but for the grace of God, that everything was going to be fine. I wasn't afraid of approaching my dad anymore. I was ready to face the consequences and I went to the phone booth in the hostel and placed a call to my dad.  He was an expat living and working in another country with the rest of our family.  I confessed to my dad of the predicament I had gotten myself into.  My dad couldn't believe his ears that he was speaking to his "innocent little son" that he knew, who apparently grew up a lot in the ways of the world in two years span.  He asked if I was addicted to any drugs and if I had blown all the money on drugs.  I could sense the pain and concern in his voice for me.  I told him that I was embarrassed and I apologized to him.  There are enough stories of children of well intentioned parents, whose lives have been ruined by the hostel culture surrounding them.  After our chat, once he was convinced that I wasn't going to blow any more of the money, he sent enough money to pay off all the debts and get some good meals.  I was allowed to take my final exams and passed all courses! Later, after the finals when I visited my parents, my dad came within inches of whooping me raw. Don't know how he held himself together!!! I love you dad and I love you mom!!!!

I have often wondered of God's tremendous mercy that night in 1985 and where my life would have been if I didn't get to sleep that night.  I could not, at the time, explain the different mood and the new attitude that I woke up the next morning while still on my knees as I had bent in prayer the night before with no where to turn and no hope.  Today, it reminds me of the story of the prodigal son from the Bible in Luke 15:11-32. My heavenly father forgave me and took me back.  Jehovah, our God, is a forgiving God. No matter what your sins, when you cry out to him, he answers your cry for help! He has laid out all the punishment for our sins upon his only son, Jesus Christ! There is a new beginning for us in him, a new chapter, a new book, eternal life!